Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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