I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
