my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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