he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
