i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
