he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
