Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
