Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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