Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
