She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
it's great music for shaving your balls
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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