it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
