Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
