To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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