We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
