Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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