u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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