i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
