I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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