I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
