Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
