Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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