will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
