I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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