My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
