I want to walk on stilts...naked
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
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When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
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And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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