just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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