I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
