I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
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I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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