She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
What a dumb baby whore.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
