I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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