why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
