I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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