I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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