I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
