just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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