Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
