Don't you send me to vm
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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