it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
