Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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