I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
