you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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