i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
