I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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