I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I wear drunk well.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
