She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
