I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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