Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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