Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
