4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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