And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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