he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
the condom got lost in my hair
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
