my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
