Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Every concussion has its silver lining
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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