Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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