If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
