rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
