Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
