I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
