i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
