The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
