Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize