i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
