stop calling my apartment porn island.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
i now understand why vodka
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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