i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
