...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
