We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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